Kissing a Cosmic Breath of Breeze–and Other Cool Metaphors


If you think metaphors and similes are all about demonstrating how wild and crazy your imagination is, take a couple of Tylenols and lie down for a while. In other words, if you want to write successful fiction, better get over it.

Ouch. Tough words. But hang on–aren’t metaphors supposed to be imaginative?

The short answer ? Yes. But then it gets tricky. Imagination must be working in service to the larger strategic purposes of your novel––not drawing attention to its own brilliance. Take a look at this example:

Mr. Codger’s grandchildren were damned excitable young folks. Always making a fuss about ordinary things, as if they were special. Like the way the air smelled. “Smell the air, Granddad,” Amy said, throwing open his window. Mr. Codger had no smeller left–his nostrils had long ago closed off–so he gulped some atmosphere, just to make her happy. Nothing. Nothing at all. Except maybe a slight sweetness that lingered on his lips, like he’d kissed a cosmic breath of breeze.

What’s wrong? The simile: “like he’d kissed a cosmic breath of breeze,” sticks out like a clown at a burial service (sorry). There are two main reasons:

  • It violates the pattern of information that causes us to believe in Mr. Codger’s character
  • It jars the reader by making her look at a language rather than story, thus breaking the spell you work so hard to maintain.

A mistake of this kind, made by an otherwise competent fiction writer, is usually caused by vanity. A totally cool simile came to him out of nowhere, and was so awesomely original, he just couldn’t help throwing it in, and worse yet–leaving it in.

Experienced writers, like experienced drivers, just say no to certain risky manouvers, because their experience tells them that, for instance, passing on a hill may very likely cause trouble. Inexperienced writers, like teenagers with brand new licenses, will chance it.

Metaphors should do their work with originality, but without screaming, “Look at me, I’m creative.” Their creativity should be muted by their appropriateness, and as such, be barely visible.

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